Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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