So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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