She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
