that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
