i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
