remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
