Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
