Need sex. Gaining weight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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