i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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