everyone is single if you try hard enough
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
