We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
