i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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