So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
