you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
