Only a mothe r could love this liver
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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