I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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