apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
