I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
