apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
