your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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