I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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