You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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