Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
