dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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