THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
