My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize