he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
