Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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