Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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