I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Found the puke drawer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
