he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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