Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
