Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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