He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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