You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
