I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
