Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
