Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
