I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
