Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
