This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
