My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
