the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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