I can tuck mytits in my pants
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
