I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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