he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
