I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
