we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
