He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
