I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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