good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
