and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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