I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
