I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
