do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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