when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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