took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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