So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
