We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
