Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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