u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
