I CAN MOONWALK!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
