i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
