make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
