I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
