What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
