if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
