just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
