careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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