so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
