My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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