Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
