I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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