we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
