Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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