apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
