remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
