You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
