I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I die, sorry about rent.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
