Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
