I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
