You just made me feel so damn special
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
