I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
