Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we're making bets on your personal life
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
