The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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