Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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