why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
