I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.