I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi