your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk