I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.