I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry about my life...