he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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