Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
