She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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