if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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