Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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