We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
