DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
