There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My vagina is very pro this idea
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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